its been weird....like...being told "i've never felt anything for you" after knowing everything that happened is insane. But knowing you will be in Quebec with a girl that got you out a funk without knowing is batshit insanity. 

But i wanna put that behind me cuz i have no idea what to do an all i want is to just have fun.

Vlogs seem to be taking over :/ more later

Its been a weird time in my life and today is a big anchor point. After pretty much hearing "I never felt anything for you" I can finally move on from Danielle, she is still a great girl an still kinda the "one that got away" but she has no feelings for me an never did. I now believe everyone who said she knew i had feelings for her. She has stuff to work out, i just hope deep down her obliviousness an minor jaded attitude is resolved an she realizes that between her new chubby boyfriend an feelings for her ex (making her new boyfriend a seat filler) that i was the one that truly stood out...ill leave it at that. Im not bashing her, she is amazing an i know we would've been something special...but it didn't happen an that's that. But never say never right.

I also had a job for almost 3 weeks. It sucked my soul an killed me. My manager went from the nicest guy to being a prick. I have been a violent person, i admit that and I know I had to work on it. We had this convo...

Him - You been here for 2 weeks how is it?
Me - tough but im getting the hang of it
Him - good good, listen i need you to focus on doing COI's ok?
Me - yeah sure

NEXT DAY

Him - Y U NO DO CONTRACTS?!
Me - you told me to do COI's?!
Him - I should cut your pay! *walks of*
Me - ...the fuck just happened? 

so it confused me, i know things get busy an hectic near the end of the month but no one said to book 46 moves every day at the end of the month. Any way i brushed it off, i was more concerned with Danielle to be honest, but its like everyday things increased.

Everyone shouts despite being in arms length of one another. And then this happened

Me - Hello...yes...yeah he is here...hang on
*transfers call*
Him - what are you doing!!?! why transfer anything to me! im on the phone!

now yes he was on the phone...his cellphone...the person asked specifically for you, sorry to remind you that you are at your job! It bugged me, an would continue. Sure people worked but you can see through the day people were surfing the net or playing on their phones. Yet im getting yelled at for doing my job?! Fuck that noise.

The final straw was today when i was transferring calls an i avoided transferring calls to him (btw him is the manager) and everyone was booked up so i transferred the call an low n behold he yells at me like im a child. Now yes i get it, i look 17, but im 24...fuck you! And then like a sign from the heavens the head boss calls me to the office.

Boss Lady - we need you to fill out the W2, your not on file
Me - wont be necessary, today is my last day im done
Boss Lady - Wha..wait why?
Me - I lost the girl I wanted more then anything sure but I turned down a few film jobs to stay here...an what for? To get yelled at for doing my job while others play angry birds in space? I don't need this, to work so hard for little while nothing moves. I'm a lot of things, a martial artist, a film maker, a loser, and director...I'm no ones punching bag. I quit.

oddly enough she was understanding as all hell. I told her about how much i respected her an how much i didn't want to leave but yet it was forced on me. I couldn't put up with someone like the manager spazzing out 7 days out of the month. If I wanted that i would...ugh...yeah you know the punchline fill it in.

I feel a lot better. I have a lunch date with Rosa friday and it will be nice to see her, I can finally hang with Iris, Odis is back (sorta) and Sondra an I are hanging out Saturday. After months I feel like I can finally start getting on with things I want. Sure I REALLY wanted Danielle but I been here before except the name was Geanina instead. Did I mention Ryan and Rich are in relationships!!

So much has happend, enjoy the vlog below...won't get ya caught up but a lot enjoyed it.

Time to get happy an look forward to grad school.

So it may be dramatic to say this but for a couple of years now I never believed in love. After these past 2 weeks it just really confirmed it. Danielle an I will not happen, an seems it was never going to happen. She is as Oblivious as a young child. All the things i did, all the things I said, mean nothing. I am never going all out like that ever again.

This whole time we are vibing an feelings are being exchanged she is talking to someone else on the side. And I legit think she only picked him over me because he lives closer to her. I wish she would of just told me there was someone else or that she didn't feel the same way as I did. It would've saved so much heartache. I know in this blog things with her an I were up an down but it was obvious I felt a lot for her. When things were on that perfect level man I could close my eyes an see her smile, or her curly hair, ya know the stuff that stands out. But now all I can see is her getting fucked by who ever this guy is.

She of course like every person wants to remain friends. I figured this is because they don't want to feel guilty for what they did. And like I said she doesn't feel the same way, thats not a crime, its fine, but don't hide someone else. It feels like I got pre-cheated on. It kills me in a way. I took that long film job in Canada an she was talking to this guy the whole time I was gone. The whole point of the job was so I can have money to visit her more. Now I have all this extra cash (yes I am still jobless) and I wanna get rid of it because it just reminds me of what I was gonna use it for.

I don't know what to do. For 8 Days now I have been staying at Rich's place because he has a guest room that is quiet. He always hated when I was single and he wanted this to work out for me more then anyone else. So he let me stay in his place an gave me space. I was doing a lot better until today. I feel like all the progress I made is gone now. And to make it worse I did the right thing an said all I care about is that your happy. So her conscious is clear to fuck this guy while I wonder why I can't find someone on the level of Michelle again.

Anna was great but I don't count that as a relationship so yeah, I want that connection. I always said I wanted to find someone before I started really getting into my career as a filmmaker out of fear someone would only be there during the good times an not the bad. I swore off models an actresses since they gave me the most play. I broken, its horrible. Sending her glass roses on random days was the dumbest thing ever.

I did a poll with my female friend that said "If you received a glass rose and a usb mix tape would you think I had feelings for you?" Of the 23 girls I asked ALL OF THEM SAID YES! So the one person I wanted didn't realize it which tells me it was all for nothing. Lifes funny, the day she told me she was seeing this other guy I got a concussion at MMA Practice. I admit it was partially due to her telling me that news. The heartache still hurts more then my concussion.

Not sure what happens next, I will remain at Rich's until maybe Monday. Til then fuck love. I won't believe it exist until I witness it first hand. I don't know if this means its back to dating models an actresses or what but I am so put off by sharing emotions. What does this mean for Danielle and I...fuck if I know. I don't wanna talk to her an clearly she hasn't been talking to me this whole time. 

I'm done...If I have to continue to walk alone then so be, im never doing the things I did for Danielle to anyone else...its just not worth it in the end. 

Here is Vlog 7, I had fun doing this one. Rob and I are good friends and we seem to be able to just talk. I really love natural comedy and its a good look into how I (we) act since none of this is scripted.

I said something in that video about giving a girl a small trinket to bring back memories. Its something I rarely have done. Making a good moment even better. I thought about it and I really haven't been in a real deep relationship for some time. Anna was great but we were honestly just using each others bodies...amazing body...and her's was fine as well (see what i did there)

But I look at my life and I don't have time for a relationship. I have crushing pretty hard and that crush seems to have died pretty hard. I went away for a week on film assignment and got back and was hit pretty hard with reality. Her and I went from texting hundreds of times a day to none at all in the span of a week. What makes it worse is I didn't tell anyone I left, it was one of those "YOU GOTTA LEAVE NOW!" kinda things. So for all anyone coulda known was I was face down in a ditch with my organs gone. It hurt a bit because a week ago I was told how I always pick bad ones. How am I supposed to know they are bad?!

What's very weird is since I lost my job I have been ok with things. Its weird, I was in such a Vegata like rage when I lost my job with Midtown Comics but here I am...not THAT much pissed. I just got my heart kicked in the balls and idk, I'm OK. The only thing I am concerned about is making my movie. Its weird, its not a numbness like when I am on my "fuck it" mode its really a "eh...so be it" I think I am maturing. I bought this girl a gift before all this just like in the video (more on this in a bit).

So without a mate this year and since I refuse to date an actress, model, bartender, or female friend who hangs with the fellas I am anti-Valentine. I bought 2 sets of movies, and this goes back to the gift. I bought these very anti-love movies like Blue Valentine, (500) Days Of Summer, & Closer. These are heartbreaking movies if your in a good mood don't watch em. I see myself as each male character. Someone willing to try but never given a chance or someone that has great moments and then the female gets a bit crazy and things don't work out.

The second group of movies is a gift I always wanted to give. After a month of knowing me in a way were dating/relationships may happen you start to realize I'm weird. It's hard for me to explain the way I am without just saying "that's just how I am" But my entire love life (or what I want it to be) can be explained in 3 movies (sorta).

# 3 - Science of Sleep  

This is easily one of my favorite movies, its visually amazing, has fantastic writing, and can sway into either pile really. I approach potential love the same way. I may come off smooth and confident but like the main character I am scared and feel the only way to really get that attention to meet on the same wave lengths is to do something creative so she knows what to expect and understand those are the feelings I bring.

#2 - Streets of Fire

The beauty of Streets Of Fire is its a action movie with an amazing cast of characters and a love story hidden underneath all the explosions. When I first saw the movie I wanted to be Tom Cody, he was cool, suave, powerful, and did this suicidal mission out of love. More people want to be the hero then the villain. How amazing would it be knowing love is indeed there but you have to prove it some how. That's me, I'm willing to go to the extreme just to prove those feelings are real.

#1 - The Movie Hero

This not only serves as how I am in romance but it really just explains why I am so weird. I am a film major, i place myself in the world of all my characters. Like Jeremy Sisto's character I don't think I am crazy, I just feel I can relate more to fiction then fact most of the time. This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I love the style of breaking that fourth wall and talking directly to us. Its like the movie Alfie but the characters are fully aware of the character talking unlike in other movies were people either freeze or ignore it and look into space like its not happening. It really has to be seen to be appreciated.

Actually The Movie Hero is so important to me its a big reason why Odis (remember her?) and I are still not friends. I lent her my copy of it and she lost it and acted like it was no big deal. Sure movie hero is not my favorite movie but its a movie I didn't want to part with after spending so much time trying to find it.

Honorable Mention goes to Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World 

Even though this rejection has hit me like a nerf dart with no real effect its put me off on being that guy that makes girls in relationships angry they aren't single and makes boyfriends just angry. I feel like it only worked once and that was it, I hit that impossible mark and it won't work the same way. I am not bummed out, but I am learning from all this. I feel like no matter how women I have been with or which women I want to be with it just won't happen the way I expect. which is cool. Because the day I least expect it will be a good day. 

I am surprised I made it to 6. A bit of a behind the scenes, I had trouble filming on the first day because people are nosey. Is vlogging really that rare? I mention a photo shoot and its pretty much a guarantee that I want to do another one. And also I got my first hater who commented on my last vlog. He basically said "You probabaly got fired because your IQ is to low, you don't even know how to ware a baseball cap" I guess this was in reference to the face I wear my hat backwards. I wrote back

"You watched all my vids and then wrote a negative post...that's like paying to see a show just to argue with the band. They already have your money, whose the real loser here?"

He then deleted his post. New haters mean your doing your thing and your doing it right.

Enjoy, Sub, Like, and expect more effort in editing. 

I wish I edited the intro to include more like the 2nd half but no one watches vids on the weekends and posting a vid to late seems tardy to me. 1-2 vids a week...seems doable

Watch, & subscribe

That's as much as I have to say, I am confused, hurt, sad, angry, and a dash of grey because of how shocked I am.

Ugh...Wheres my tie? 

So its been a LONG time since I wrote anything and to be honest this is going to be short. I got my film degree an with it I have decided to turn these blogs into vlogs from here on out. I feel like even if its by the tiniest margin it helps and makes sense for me to do vlogs

My Channels: http://www.youtube.com/user/wolf22/videos

Latest Vid

 I will still be posting some blogs here and there but this is a transition period of sorts. It has been fun Livejournal. I may not be around as often but I still got love for ya.

You know what I haven't done in a while... a wrestling review. I have been busy with work and film shoots. I figure since I have a break from both jobs I can catch up on DVD's and do some reviews. I think my last review was back at the beginning of the year. I stay in the loop as much as I can but it is nice to sit down and actually watch a DVD. 

Few things to understand about my reviews
1 - I am honest as much as a fan can be without being to disrespectful. Despite my bi-weekly facebook request from a random person I am not a pro wrestler. I just happen to be lucky enough to know pro wrestlers. I won't critique as much as I do with MMA which I DO take part in.

2 - I don't have a rating system, its too weird for me. Hopefully my words will express if a match is good or not.

3 - I am bias as all hell. I am a fan of wrestling and I pick favorites.

4 - I keep it spoiler free in case someone wants to buy the DVD or one of my friends wants to borrow my copy.

So lets get started

I chose AIW (Absolute Intense Wrestling) for a few reasons. Aside from the fantastic card I always liked how the promotion presented themselves and communicated with its fan base. I am from NYC, I have never been to a AIW show but I damn sure want to after seeing the shows they put on. The intro to the DVD was cool, promos from almost everyone on the roster and the gradually got better and better. My favorite was Marione Fontaine easily. Tim Donst was on point as well but couldn't help but think "Is he related to Jason Sagel?" Johnny Gargano remains to be awesome on the mic as well.

1. 6 Pack Scramble: Sugar Dunkerston vs. Mammoth vs. AERO! vs. Kobald vs. Maximo Suave vs. Low Rider
The bittersweet thing about not following a wrestling company is similar to jumping into a TV series in the middle. You know some of the cast but not all of them. I expect to feel like that quite a bit watching this DVD. And since AIW mentions other promotions I guess its ok for me to do the same. I know Sugar Dunkerston, Kobald, and Aero but no clue who the rest are. Its one of those fast paced high action matches and its always a good way to start off a show.

The match itself is alright, does what its supposed to. I have seen worse and I have seen better. What you can count on though is Sugar will go out to make it fun, and AERO! will do something crazy. 

2. BJ Whitmer vs Eddie Kingston
This match could main event any show. I have been a big fan of BJ Whitmer from his ROH days and loved his Japanese stuff. Eddie Kingston will always be one of my favorites simple as that. I was surprised this was the second match. Stiff match, lots of good back and forth, and a match that shows Kingston is one of the best and Whitmer has not lost a step at all. The speeches from both guys after the match was fantastic.

My ONLY issue with this match or for that matter ANY wrestling match is when MMA is incorporated. I'm just not a fan of seeing it at a pro wrestling show. I have done Jiu-Jitsu, Muay Thai, and Kung Fu for years upon years. Seeing improper guillotines, armbars, triangle chokes, and rear naked chokes makes me cringe and makes me want to yell "YOUR DOING IT WRONG." Its a small thing and most won't be effected by it. Regardless this match is easy to recommend if you want to see good stiff hard hitting wrestling.

3."The Chad" Williams vs. Tursas
I remember I hated Tursas a year ago when I saw him at a Chikara show. Since that show he has grown into a hell of a wrestler. I have never heard of "The Chad" Williams but the guy is good. He looks like a wrestler first off and performs like one. It was a very good match even though it was on the short side. Hard to follow Whitmer vs Kingston though

4. 10 Man Tag: Team Dalton vs Team Duke
10 men in this match...I know only 2 of them. Dasher Hatfield is the man I know that much, he is great. Dalton Castle stood out for me though. This is the first time I have seen him and he has great charisma and is a hell of a wrestler. Majority of the other wrestlers in this match are hit or miss with me. For the indies you don't have to look like carbon copy roid freak. But it doesn't help to be a carrying around a few extra LB's if you are then you really have to work a bit harder to stand out. MR. RBI does that. He reminds me of west coast wrestler Willie Mack. I wouldn't mind seeing him tag with Dasher & Sugar as a trio. Ben Fruith as an opposite effect. He is thin, real think, but brings it. What the rest lack in looks they make up for in moves and team work.

The ones that stood out were The Duke, and Dalton Castle. No one was terrible and it was a fun match but its hard not to notice those two in general really set the pace and mood for the match. I look forward to seeing more of Dalton.

5. Intense Title Match: Shiima Xion vs Marion Fontaine
This was one of the matches I was looking forward too the most. I am a huge Siima Xion fan...but...I am also a huge Fontaine fan. Xion is one of the few reasons I watch TNA (that is all I will say about that) and I will easily kick someone in the chest if they don't see why Fontaine is known as the "Mega Star." Watch Fontaine wrestle for 90 seconds and tell me he isn't awesome then TRY not to go and grow a mustache.

A few minutes into this match it completely changes as Chuck Taylor shows up. Great surprise! This match is now a 3-way with (in my opinion) 3 of the best in all of the indies. Great match, a bit short but in a way where you still get your moneys worth. Its similar to Owen Hart vs 1-2-3 Kid, that match was like 5 minutes long and was fantastic. This one was longer then 5 minutes and again what do you expect from these 3 men? A great f'n match.

6. Street Fight: Josh Prohibition vs Gregory Iron
No idea why these two are in a street fight but so be it. These two can tell a great story to let me know why they hate each other so much they want this type of match. This is another match with someone making a return. Josh Prohibition was one of the guys I stumbled upon when I found out about indie wrestling. I bought ever UWA Hardcore DVD and Josh Porhibition was a big reason why. Gregory Iron has a great story himself. Gregory Iron has cerebral palsy and it limits motion in his right arm. It doesn't stop him from being an amazing wrestler. I am not giving him a sympathy vote or a pity party the guy can wrestle better then most.

I loved this match for a lot of reasons. J-Pro showing he can still hang, the action, and its nice to see a Gregory Iron match where he isn't wrestling Chikara's Icarus. Icarus is a fine wrestler but watching the same match 4 times gets tedious. This match just proves you can put Gregory in the ring with top names and get a great match.

7. Eric Ryan vs Bobby Beverly
I have known about Eric Ryan for some time, still not used to seeing him bald. As far as Bobby Beverly goes I have heard nothing but good things about him but never got a chance to see his matches. The first minute in though I became an instant fan of his. This match was so much fun, I always liked lighter division wrestlers (Blame the Japanese Super Juniors). These guys went all out and I really loved the crowd during this match. I always hated crowds that are so fast to make fun of a wrestler that slips up. But not here, this crowd was great. I had flashbacks of being in Tokyo with such a respectful crowd.

So far this has to be my favorite match. Had everything I wanted in a match. Bobby Beverly is someone I want to keep looking out for now.

8. AIW 3-Way Tag Title Match: Irish Airborne vs. Aeroform vs. (c) The Olsen Twins
The 8th match on the card yet only the 4th match were I know everyone involved. Irish Airborne are easily one of the best tag teams you will find. I don't think I have ever seen a bad Irish Airborne match. The Olsen Twins are just so much fun to watch. They bring this unique blend and style to their matches that sets them apart from most other tag teams. And Aeroform...here is were the bias comes in. Louis Lyndon and Flip Kendrick are two of my favorite high flyers and easily in my top 5 tag teams for this year. You have one guy that is legit one of the best high flyers going today and then guy who can adapt to any style.

I love these multi-man tag matches. This is up there with some of the Dragon Gate matches I have seen over the years. Everyone involved should give themselves a pat on the back. I guess this is going to set the mood for matches out doing the previous one. I was wondering how anyone could follow Eric Ryan vs. Bobby Beverly but I was happily proven wrong.

9. Sabu vs. Facade
This match...wow...as soon as I saw this was on the DVD I got a bit wide eyed. Sabu and Facade are both great but their style of wrestling is dangerous. They both take A LOT of risks in matches and it could cause someone to mess up or worse, get hurt. You can't bitch if a mess up happens once you realize they tried doing a move that even on paper or in a video game would be difficult to pull off. 

The match turned out great, these two put on a solid match with a student vs. teacher kind of feel to it.

10. Rickey Shane Page vs. Vincent Nothing
There is a great music video package before this match starts. It recaps their past as a tag team and now as rivals. A couple years ago they were a dominant tag team and now here they are about to face off one on one. I remember at one point they were holding belts in multiple companies and just kicking ass everywhere but then disappeared. The announces do a good job of filling (me) the viewer in.

Even before the first punch is thrown you can feel the tension between the two. I am a big fan of both, tiny bit a bias towards Rickey Shane Page (seriously the first time I saw him wrestle he did a back body drop an then kicked the dude before he hit the ground...I freaked out). The announcers then mention Vincent left to do MMA. I don't roll my eyes though because if they say something so bold I think it holds some truth to it.

This match was simply brutal and that says a lot when not to long ago there was a match with Sabu in it. Sick sick match with a great story and feel to it. I think that is what makes this stand out among the other matches. That there is this emotion you can't help but feel in it. I've written a lot about this match thus far but its really not enough. There are to many holy shit moments...so...many...light tubes. There is eventually a "Match of The Year" chant...and the match isn't even over yet. I kind of feel bad for the main event...good luck following this match.

11. Absolute Title Match: Tim Donst vs. (c) Johnny Gargano 
Im a pretty big fan of Gargano, I would go as far to say he is one of the best going today. Tim Donst....eh...I like Donst his style isn't what I gravitate towards but he is more of a complete wrestler if you have followed his career. 

The match itself was solid, but you expect that out of a Gargano match. I was impressed with Donst though, he was talked up pretty well by the announcers. I think the reason I saw Donst a bit different is because I am used to seeing him in tag matches. Great match to end one of the best wrestling DVDs I have bought.

I am not going to mention what happens after the match, but its something that reminds you pro wrestling is shocking, engaging, and fun.

But with that said everyone keeps talking about the DVD that follows this. "They Live" has had so many great reviews and I am looking forward to checking it out shortly. All I can say now is looking at the 12 matches (a lot to some, but fine by me) I am looking forward to just about every match.